Sudden eruption of pain

Sudden eruption of pain,
Darkness all around,
The loss of a child.

The life will never be whole anymore,
Fractured, like a pieces of a puzzle
That a parent desperately tries to put together,
But there is always a missing piece.

For long, long time a mother lives in a limbo,
Life is passing by
With no purpose, no clear understanding
Of what happened,
Why she is still amongst the living?

Desperately trying to crawl out of the darkness and the pain
For the sake of the living children
I find COPE,
With mothers who suffered the same loss,
We all, like an aching, bleeding heart, which beats in unison,
Try to find Hope and Serenity.

Slowly we emerge from that dark place,
Towards the light.
We feel the souls of our children,
They dance around us,
They hold us up,
When we stumble.

We see the butterflies,
We hear the birds sing,
We are alive,
We are the mothers,
Who learn to see and feel our children in a new way

The pain is always present,
But now we live,
We go on,
We support each other,
We reach for the light,
We reach for the life,

We COPE.

In Memory of Julia Zelmanovich
By Helena Zelmanovich.

JOY AND SORROW

Then a woman said, ”Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.”
And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises
was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,
The more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine
the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit,
the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous,
Look deep into your heart and you shall find
it is only that which has given you sorrow
that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart,
And you shall see that in truth you are weeping
for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say,” Joy is greater than sorrow,”
and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

– KAHLIL GIBRAN

We Are But a Breath Apart

I trace the outline of your face with my spirit finger tips. Surely you feel the energy as it escapes. Existence has many layers. We are but a breath apart.

My electric energy pattern varies from yours in this dimension my consummate desire is to communicate with you; to comfort you in your moment of loss. I am not lost merely transformed. You too shall emerge as a spiritual being when your physical shell is no more. I cannot await your arrival as I continue to evolve. This evolution does not separate us. It is a physical illusion.

In my state of existence I will always be able to be with you. My only wish in this moment is to be physical for one brief moment to be able to wipe the tears from your cheeks.

Attempt to connect with the energy of life. Give of yourself to the comfort of others. Through this you will be able to find me. I exist through divine energy now. I continue to evolve. My heart is filled with love for you. . .

April Crawford

A Mother’s Letter to God

Dear God:

I don’t have your exact address to mail my letter so I am simply asking you to please take care of my daughter Bari Lynn Swedlow – Hebrew name Bat Ami. She just entered your new world…You will recognize her wearing a red Mickey & Minnie tee shirt, surrounded by stuffed animals and has a colorful pillow as if a halo placed at her head. Her face is tranquil and beautiful…Her greenish/blue eyes will have a special twinkle…Her smile genuine…Her lips pink and perfect…Her skin silk and supple to the touch.

You will know who she is because my daughter will be the one to be so helpful with the aged and the indigent. She will make the blue sky bluer and the stars more radiant and bring more smiles to everyone on the other side.

God please make sure that my daughter Bari is in a safe and peaceful place with no fears and no pain. If you are good to her she will make your burdens lighter by being your little helper. One day she’ll probably invite you for her special Chicken Parmigiana dinner.

I must be honest in revealing that I have not been one of your biggest believers, but now that things have changed I ask you to look out for my daughter. Don’t let her slip by as just another one passing through… She’s so very special, caring, loveable and true and if she is in your other world watch over her with gratitude and love.

Please do your Godly job well in making sure she’s properly placed, secure and happy…higher up… in a good spot…in a place you call Heaven.

Her mother

Myth #8: Children who express tears are being “weak” and harming themselves in the long run.

An important way in which children learn is through the modeling of a primary caregiver. If bereaved children are in an environment where adults are living out this myth, they will often follow suit.

Children may repress their tears either because they have internalized adult demands for repressing feelings, or they have identified with how the adults surrounding them repress their own tears. Unfortunately, many adults associate tears of grief with personal inadequacy and weakness. Crying on the part of bereaved children often generates feelings of helplessness in adults. Out of a wish to protect the children (and themselves) from pain, well-meaning, misinformed adults often directly inhibit the experience of tears. Comments similar to, “You need to be strong for your mother,” or “Tears won’t bring him back,” and “He wouldn’t want you to cry,” discourage the expression of tears. Yet crying is nature’s way of releasing internal tension in the body and allows the child to communicate a need to be comforted.

Another purpose of crying is postulated in the context of attachment theory, where in tears are intended to bring about reunion with the person who has died. While reunion cannot occur, crying is thought to be biologically based and a normal way of attempting to reconnect with the person who has died. The frequency and intensity of crying eventually wanes as the hoped-for reunion does not occur.

The expression of tears is not a sign of weakness in adults or children. The capacity of bereaved children to share tears is an indication of their willingness to do the “work of mourning.” As loving adults we can better assist children by modeling our own expression of tears.

Typical Responses of Siblings

This is taken from a brochure written by Marcia G. Scherago, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., published by Medic Publishing, and distributed by the Centering Corporation.

Certain responses to the death of a brother or sister are common. Being aware of these responses will help you to be sympathetic and perhaps also will help the child work through his or her feelings.

  • The response of denial.
  • The response of sadness.
  • The response of anxiety.
  • The response of bodily distress and behavior problems.
  • The response of anger and blame.
  • The response of guilt.
  • The response of depression.
  • The response of misbehavior.
  • The response of indifference.
  • The response of fear.