Lilly’s Inspirational Thoughts – March 2021

I recently came across a grief exercise I did many years ago which helped me trust in my intuition and its potential to guide me.
 
The exercise was to answer these 5 questions with the first thoughts that came to mind.
 
1) What have I lost? 
My child. My baby.
Then the thought…
I’m still here. She’s still with me.
 
2) What are my strengths?
My ability to believe. My spirituality. My faith.
 
3) What is still left?
Her energy. Her love. Her essence. Our connection.
 
4) What do I need to leave behind?
The message that there’s something more than we can see.
 
5) What do I wish to keep?
This energy. This faith. This connection.
 
The exercise expanded my thinking to new possibilities for thought communication and flow of consciousness from a higher perspective. I didn’t know from where my thoughts were coming. However, it helped me cope.
 

Lilly’s Inspirational Thoughts – April 2021

My thoughts go out to all of you during the Passover and Easter holidays. 
Wishing everyone peace and continued good health. 
Lilly
 
My Self-Meditation for the Holidays 
Release any emotions not serving me.
Release judgement.
Release expectations.
Release anything burdening me.
Breathe in peace.
Breathe in connection.
Breathe in love.
The breath is a bridge connecting heaven and earth.

Lilly’s Inspirational Thoughts – February 2021

For many of us February is synonymous with Valentine’s Day, a day celebrating love.
Love is the other side of grief. It’s because we love so deeply that we grieve so intensely.
For so many years I was in deep sorrow after my daughter passed and then alone after my husband passed. 
I had lost the significance of the day, equating Valentine’s Day with happiness and having someone to love. 
 
I’ve since learned that—
Love is an energy that can’t be destroyed. 
Love is everywhere. Inside us as well as outside us. 
Love lives in all dimensions. 
Love connects us eternally to those we love on earth and those who live in our heart and soul.

Lilly’s Inspirational Thoughts – January 2021

Dear COPE families,

For as long as my daughter is gone, the New Year has been associated with January, the month that Michelle passed.

One thing I know, after 29 years, I’ve had to learn to think differently.

After quite some time, I recently dreamt of my daughter and felt her with me. 

While I was having a conversation with two strangers, she left and I couldn’t find her. I woke feeling so distraught at the loss of the little time I had with her, as though I could have controlled my dream. 

I went from my bed to an online yoga class and during this meditative session, my dream began to unfold. Things aren’t always as they appear. 

My daughter didn’t go anywhere; I still felt her with me doing yoga. The message and communication of my dream was subtle. She had appeared to me as she would have if she was here — speaking about her summer plans, where she might work, walking the dog. 

In the dream I couldn’t find her. She was lost to me. I could no longer see her. What was hidden began to reveal itself. She’s here with me even when I don’t always notice. She can be around me even if I’m feeling anxious or confused.

Before I had this dream, she was feeling very distant and I found myself questioning whether she was within reach. 

The message of my dream and meditation was a gift and reaffirmed my responsibility to myself: to nurture myself and my relationship with my daughter, as I have been doing for the last 29 years that she is in spirit.
Holding on.
Finding my way through this journey of grief.
Embracing life. 
Feeling gratitude.

May it be a New Year of Health for us all. A New Year of Hope and New Perspectives.

 
Lilly

Reflections

REFLECTIONS
 
So many aspects of the world right now are reminiscent of my early grief…The isolation, distancing, fear, anxiety, and depression are all familiar feelings, creating vulnerability and a lack of control. My inner world is being challenged by the threat of illness, frightening news, and the polarized state of our country. Maintaining my inner peace depends on what I allow into my inner world. 
 
Early on in my grief journey, I needed to weed my garden of the situations and people that were toxic. From there, I was able to nurture my soul with the spiritual practices that brought me closer to my daughter and loved ones who had passed. I was able to embrace them in inner conversations, music, activities, and nature. I could revel in their signs and messages that resonated in my heart and brought me peace. I could choose what I allowed into my sacred space. I’ve heard that imagination is our soul speaking. It’s what inspires us, motivates us, and gives us hope.
 
Especially now, as we move through the election and into Thanksgiving — a challenging time for us all — we need to create an inner world where we can feel safe and connected, a place where we can feel the love that is with us always. 
 
– Lilly Julien

Holidays this year are different…

Holidays this year are different…

This holiday season is like none other. We’re embracing those we love at a distance and creating new ways to be together in mind and heart while finding new ways to love the ones who are missing. 

I’m finding new words to describe this time of isolation and social distancing as a time for introspection and insight, a time to expand my perspective, and create a new inner reality and relationship with myself. 

This Thanksgiving I was so grateful to be with my immediate family (outdoors in a tent), I found myself letting go of expectations… finding peace and even feeling calm.

Everyone grieves differently and holds their loved ones inside them in different ways. 

Each person finds their own outlet for expression. 

I’ve finally learned to respect the process of others.      

A toast didn’t happen. Speaking of past holidays and stories didn’t work. But gratitude happened and we savored the moment of being together, each of us finding 6 words of gratitude.

My 6 words: “Loving my family heaven and earth,” finding for myself that bridge of connection.

I realized I don’t need a family gathering to raise a glass and share a story. I can do it on any day with whomever I choose (or even with myself) whenever my spirit yearns for that connection

I’ve learned that It’s up to me to take the lead and say the names of those who are missing. And if it doesn’t work out, I can forgive myself and forgive others, and find another way of bringing them in.  

It will never feel right and never be enough until I  find a way to do it for myself. 

I don’t need others to create a new relationship with my daughter, my husband, my mother, my father. I carry them inside me, in my heart, in my mind, in my being. 

I can find different ways of being with them. This past month in art therapy, I created a memory cabinet which became a closet of pictures of boots, belts, perfume, sunglasses, a watch, and dress that my daughter would love. I shopped for her in magazines and lined a shoebox-closet with all the things that reminded me of her. 

I can reinvent the relationship and how I continue to keep her close, carrying her with me through the holidays and always loving her.

Holidays bring a gamut of emotions. 

It’s important to honor wherever you are. 

Give yourself permission to laugh or cry.

Allow whatever it is to be.

Wishing you a safe and connected holiday. 

Lilly