Release any emotions not serving me.Release judgement.Release expectations.Release anything burdening me.Breathe in peace.Breathe in connection.Breathe in love.The breath is a bridge connecting heaven and earth.
Dear COPE families,
For as long as my daughter is gone, the New Year has been associated with January, the month that Michelle passed.
One thing I know, after 29 years, I’ve had to learn to think differently.
After quite some time, I recently dreamt of my daughter and felt her with me.
I went from my bed to an online yoga class and during this meditative session, my dream began to unfold. Things aren’t always as they appear.
My daughter didn’t go anywhere; I still felt her with me doing yoga. The message and communication of my dream was subtle. She had appeared to me as she would have if she was here — speaking about her summer plans, where she might work, walking the dog.
In the dream I couldn’t find her. She was lost to me. I could no longer see her. What was hidden began to reveal itself. She’s here with me even when I don’t always notice. She can be around me even if I’m feeling anxious or confused.
Before I had this dream, she was feeling very distant and I found myself questioning whether she was within reach.
The message of my dream and meditation was a gift and reaffirmed my responsibility to myself: to nurture myself and my relationship with my daughter, as I have been doing for the last 29 years that she is in spirit.
Finding my way through this journey of grief.
May it be a New Year of Health for us all. A New Year of Hope and New Perspectives.
Holidays this year are different…
This holiday season is like none other. We’re embracing those we love at a distance and creating new ways to be together in mind and heart while finding new ways to love the ones who are missing.
I’m finding new words to describe this time of isolation and social distancing as a time for introspection and insight, a time to expand my perspective, and create a new inner reality and relationship with myself.
This Thanksgiving I was so grateful to be with my immediate family (outdoors in a tent), I found myself letting go of expectations… finding peace and even feeling calm.
Everyone grieves differently and holds their loved ones inside them in different ways.
Each person finds their own outlet for expression.
I’ve finally learned to respect the process of others.
A toast didn’t happen. Speaking of past holidays and stories didn’t work. But gratitude happened and we savored the moment of being together, each of us finding 6 words of gratitude.
My 6 words: “Loving my family heaven and earth,” finding for myself that bridge of connection.
I realized I don’t need a family gathering to raise a glass and share a story. I can do it on any day with whomever I choose (or even with myself) whenever my spirit yearns for that connection
I’ve learned that It’s up to me to take the lead and say the names of those who are missing. And if it doesn’t work out, I can forgive myself and forgive others, and find another way of bringing them in.
It will never feel right and never be enough until I find a way to do it for myself.
I don’t need others to create a new relationship with my daughter, my husband, my mother, my father. I carry them inside me, in my heart, in my mind, in my being.
I can find different ways of being with them. This past month in art therapy, I created a memory cabinet which became a closet of pictures of boots, belts, perfume, sunglasses, a watch, and dress that my daughter would love. I shopped for her in magazines and lined a shoebox-closet with all the things that reminded me of her.
I can reinvent the relationship and how I continue to keep her close, carrying her with me through the holidays and always loving her.
Holidays bring a gamut of emotions.
It’s important to honor wherever you are.
Give yourself permission to laugh or cry.
Allow whatever it is to be.
Wishing you a safe and connected holiday.