Janet Pomatico

Tom Shavel 4/21/72 – 8/26/2010

 

This is an extremely difficult month for me as I lost my Mom on Aug 16th, and Tom my middle son passed on Aug. 26th.   I buried him on my birthday August 31st; it will be 4 years this year. He was waiting for his Grandma to be buried on Friday, and on Saturday he went to the hospital. But it was too late—he had a hemmoraging pancreatitis. I will never have a really happy birthday ever again, and most of you all know I have a hole in my heart. I survived stage 4 cancer with 4 months to live but losing my son, confident best friend and soul mate was worse than the cancer and chemotherapy. I would have rather passed away so he could have lived, but there were no choices here… Oh how I wish I could have just one more hour with him to tell him how much I loved him and how proud I was of him. I carry him in my heart forever. I feel like he could have been saved and died “in vain” – yes many “reminders” no matter where I look in life and his name comes up constantly by sheer strangers. Sadly enough my first cousin died the week before my Mom. We were like brother and sister.

 

I hope by sharing my story it makes others feel that they are not alone – there are many of us – Connecting our Paths Eternally with our loved child.

 

Janet Pomatico

Tom Shavel 4/21/72 – 8/26/2010

Tom would have been 42 April 21st – He looked like a young Rob Lowe only more handsome. He was a programmer who wrote the programs for the programmers -brilliant – He helped invent Win TV. He wrote the program for the Israeli Transit System and moved the tracks closer for the LIRR. He then went up and taught the programmers how to use his program – a sheer genius – He could also paint & build a house. He was a great carpenter. He wanted to leave his job to become a veterinarian. He so loved animals – He had large green eyes and brown hair he was “MY TOM”.

 

I know every article I read that makes me feel better also makes me realize that I am not alone. – Speak of multi-crisis at the same time…

 

I was going through the worst divorce on record. I also lost my home, car, dogs, hair and all my money through divorce proceedings – hard to believe all at the same time – I didn’t know which way to turn first and truthfully I didn’t have any support except for my church- My cancer was throughout my body. It was stage 4 leiomyosaroma – I am the one in one million that survived experimental chemotherapy. All the top notch doctors told me I had 3 months to live. I told them I would survive…Expect a miracle. Do you know why or what kept me going – it was knowing that my son Tom needed me in his life- His love kept me alive and yes I am a miracle but,

truthfully, I would rather have passed away than him. This is what we suffer and no one understands but us – Hopefully I can help another COPE parent..

 

– Janet Pomatico Shavel