A recent article in the New York Times by Patrick O’Malley—”Getting Grief Right: Don’t believe what you hear about closure and stages of mourning”—reminded me of a personal experience.
Years ago I was being treated at a wellness center for Fibromyalgia. One day, an attendant handed me my chart and asked me to wait in the treatment room. As I waited for the chiropractor, I glanced at my chart and saw notes from my last treatment. Across the page was the word CLOSURE! I never went back.
Closure. To this day I am incensed by that word. It is 23 years since the loss of my daughter and 15 years since the death of my husband. They died on the same date, January 25th, 8 years apart. I am still adamant that there is never closure. My love and losses are with me forever.
Through the years, my grief has been in constant change and it has been my grief that has changed my life. My grief is part of me and it is a thread that connects me to my child. I am no longer in grief. The grief is in me. The love and the loss are a part of my story.
My grief is synonymous with my love, joy and memories. While I cannot think of my daughter, Michelle, without the underlying sadness that she is no longer physically present in my life, my grief has also expanded me and has been my greatest teacher.
My love, awareness, wisdom and compassion are continually evolving. I have learned to fill the void with a more meaningful life. My spiritual journey has helped to bring my daughter and husband closer, and has taught me that the energy of love cannot die. My loss has taught me the fragility of life and to treasure each moment and everyone close to me. Every new life that has touched mine has brought me great joy, for each one is connected to the energy of love that is eternal and connects us all.
Closure? The word implies moving on when we’re trying so hard to hold on to a life that was so precious. We never move on, we find a way to carry them with us.
Sending blessings of love and connection,