I saw something on COPE’s Facebook page that said, “Grief is love that has no place to go.” I commented on it because it sounded so lovely. But I have been thinking about it and for me, it is more complicated than that.
I don’t love my son any less today than ten years ago. I don’t feel that I am stockpiling my love in his absence. I am angry that I can’t see if he has grey hair. I wonder if he would have gone back to school. I am shattered that he, so loving, did not get to have children, or see the world, or live with the rewards of his love for his girlfriend.
I am heartbroken for his brother and sister who experience his absence in ways that I cannot imagine. I smile when I see old pictures and at funny memories. I burst with pride when I stop to read comments about him online. I laugh when I remember this adorable toddler saying, “depadope” when he grabbed the pediatrician’s stethoscope! I still feel the newness of the shirt he was wearing when I hugged him, for the last time, a month before his accident. I imagine he might have started to worry as he checked his hairline every morning!
Grief is not one word, one thing, one feeling, one journey. Maybe it is a massive interstate highway, with rest stops, and four leaf clovers, and traffic jams and confusing exit and entrance signs. Grief takes us on a journey, but does not provide a map. We go by instinct, by memory, by instructions given to us or made up by us, accompanied by those we love and those who support us. We get lost, we get found and then start again.
I think all journeys get better with company along the way. I hope, for many of you, COPE can share the ride with you.
And (this next statement is part of my job as Board President!) speaking of journeys, please make a left turn off Glen Cove Road in Glen Head and join us at the Glen Head Country Club for our special 20th Anniversary Golf Outing on Monday, May 20, 2019. Okay, maybe I didn’t have to bold, italicize and underline, but we need you….and raffle prizes, sponsorships, golfers, dinner guests and even volunteers. This event helps sustain COPE.
We count on it, as well as other gifts, donations and grants, to keep COPE running throughout the year.
You can contact our Executive Director, Adam Rabinovitch at adam@copefoundation.org, or me, atswolkoff@copefoundation.com and we will tell you more.
Or you can register directly online at:
http://bit.ly/COPEGOLF2019
See you on May 20th!
– Sandy