The end of each year, especially the holiday season, is often difficult for grievers. There is a
focus on spending time with family or friends or participating in rituals and traditions. For the
griever, it is hard to think of ending a year without the person who died and/or feeling the
significant person’s absence at special events. Here are some tips that grievers can keep in
mind while trying to cope with the overwhelming nature of the holiday season.
Your plan A or usual ritual may not be what you want to do this year. Some take comfort in
participating in traditions but it’s ok to change plans or incorporate new activities into holiday
observances or celebrations. Volunteering with an organization, donating to a cause your
special person loved, and going away on a trip are just a few of the ways you can change your
usual holiday plan.
Be honest with yourself and think about what you are willing or able to commit to during this
season. There can be pressure to accept invitations to dinner, holiday parties, and outings. If
accepting an invitation, it’s a good idea to let your host know that you may change your mind
about attending the event or may choose to leave early. If you don’t feel supported in your
plans, this may be a good indication that an event is not right for you right now.
Grievers can feel the hardest part of the holiday season is the ‘togetherness’ of family and
friendship groups. The absence of a special person can loom large. It’s ok to honor your current
feelings and the way in which you want to grieve. Sometimes this includes cancelling holiday
plans and other times it involves remembering the deceased through a variety of ways. Leaving
a seat at the dinner table, lighting a candle in memory, and sharing stories about the individual
are just some of the ways you can honor your person.
Coping with grief is necessary throughout the year. Self-soothing acknowledges our need for
comfort, warmth, and pleasure, and self-care allows us to acknowledge our need for self-
respect and self-connection. Whatever you choose to do, be intentional about pausing and
taking care of yourself on any given day. Small things like a warm shower, cup of tea, or
watching your favorite television show can help you feel more at ease. A long walk, turning off
your phone for a bit, and fitting in a nap are just some of the things that can be good for the
body and mind.
During this time, remember to be gentle with yourself. Whether writing your feelings and
thoughts, allowing tears to flow, or meditating, remember to take stock of what is coming up in
your grief. Some individuals desire connection with others and lean into workshops and events
that help them process their grief. COPE is ready to support grievers with our free winter
holiday series in November and December. Register for these events through the COPE website
and explore the right coping styles for you.
Wishing you a holiday season of peace, hope, and special memories that bring you joy.
Rashida Sanchez, MA, LMSW, FT