It feels like it was just yesterday. I went to the cemetery this past Saturday, the day before Easter, to plant a beautiful cross in front of his grave site. At that time, I rethought the day I was here burying him on my birthday and it seemed like yesterday. However, it will be 8 years this August. This time I spent with him was somewhat different, as I spoke to him as though he was in front of me. I told him how much I love him and pray for his “peace” in his new place above earth which I believe to be heaven. I asked for him to look out for me in the conundrums of this world. I did not cry and I did not pray – somehow I felt his presence and peace. The feeling was very comfortable. I now think about all the good days in his 38 years and it does help me. I weed out of my mind any uncomfortable thoughts of his behavior before death because that was NOT my son. His birthday is April 21st. He would have been 39 years old and I will go back there with flowers, bringing me close to him or his spirit…The feelings are neither good nor bad – they just are.
This is how I find some peace in my life. This is what my Tom would want me to do; go on with my life without him. It is not easy. I think of him every day and some days I get a sign or a heaviness in my room during the night – that is my Tom. He is always with me.
Janet Shavel
