My Grief Journey

Aug 9, 2023 | Poems & Writings

My Grief Journey

My son died in 2006. It is inconceivable to me that he died & how many years it is.

I could not grasp how my heart could be broken & yet it still beats. I discovered what courage truly is.  I despise the reason that I learned that I am courageous.

My grief journey has forced me to grow & become a better human being. I have met many other warriors on this road who inspire me. I am “Woke” to the fragility of life, humbled, empathetic, accepting/forgiving, confident in what I need, unafraid to dismiss negative energy, being able to confidently voice/take action to enhance my much needed comfort(s), advocate for increased awareness for mental health/drug addiction/treatments & zero tolerance for those whom cannot understand/willingness to educate themselves on this disease & its stigma.

I continually count my blessings & work on myself 24/7 to be a better person than I was the day before. Allow myself grace to nourish my soul & limit the negativity & self-placed blame on my past. I cannot change my past story, but I can rise to the challenge to be a better, loving, supportive wife, mother, Bubbe, family member, & friend. I am vulnerable, receptive to never quench my thirst for knowledge, advocacy, & intolerance for any sort of prejudice. I try to comfort others walking this unwelcome path. I learned when not to speak, recognizing when silence is enough. I practice my listening skills & not just wait for the moment for me to speak. I aspire to creating safe, welcoming spaces for those who need it.

I have been forcibly thrust into my new role as a bereaved Mom. There is no escaping it so while I despise losing my cherished son, I have come to embrace my new knowledge & as a result became a better version of myself. I do not fear death just leaving a void in my loved one’s lives. I continue to look for the heavenly signs I have always received. I am looking forward to reuniting with my son & my other loved ones who have departed this earthly existence.

Paula Bruckner